


Unforgettable

by greengianturanus



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Amnesia, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Temporary Amnesia, but they are pretty small mentions, warnings for mentions of blood and violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 10:15:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20062360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greengianturanus/pseuds/greengianturanus
Summary: Everyone in the room flinched back at those words, and Pidge took the opportunity to run her fingers through her hair -- a nervous tick that Lance had noticed about her long ago. Another gasp fell from her lips, and the next words out of her mouth left them all speechless.“What the hell happened to my hair?!”_____Pidge loses her memories on a mission. Slowly but surely, they start coming back to her. One problem though: No matter how hard she tries, she can't remember Lance.





	Unforgettable

**Author's Note:**

> This is my piece for the Plance Mini Bang! I'd like to give a big thank you to @zhadyra for being a wonderful beta reader, and to jaynelleart for [ (the two beautiful pieces!)](https://jaynelleart.tumblr.com/tagged/plance-mini-bang/)

Lance scuffed his feet against the floor as he paced across it for what must have been the millionth time that day. He had never been very good at waiting, especially when it came to the health and safety of someone he… cared about very much. Even though Coran had assured everyone that Pidge would be fine, he couldn’t help but feel nauseous anytime one of his teammates was in a cryopod. He knew that the others felt the same way. 

They all knew what it was like being in one. The whirs of the machinery and the chill of the artificial air gave you life, and yet, sometimes it felt like it was sucking the life right out of you. The haunting feeling of being suspended in non-existence. Like willingly stepping into a liminal space and standing at the threshold between being and not being. 

And, of course, there were the nightmares. Something about the cryopods caused your worst thoughts and feelings to come creeping out of the hole you had buried them in. It helped to have a familiar face waiting for you when you were waking up. 

Especially if the injury had been serious. Anything potentially life threatening tended to rattle you to the core, which is why they all were waiting anxiously when someone was inside one of those miraculous, but monstrous machines. 

Lanced paused in his pacing to look up at the girl who was currently in the pod. They had been in close combat with some Galra soldiers as they infiltrated a warship. He had been Pidge’s backup -- someone to protect her while she did her hacking. Outnumbered and quickly becoming overwhelmed, Lance had missed the soldier that had slipped past him. He had only realized his mistake when he had heard Pidge cry out in surprise. 

His world had slowed down when he had seen the soldier grab her by her hair and shove her face repeatedly into the control panel she had been working on. She hadn’t been wearing her helmet. Why hadn’t she been wearing her helmet? Where had her helmet gone? Lance couldn’t even remember why she had taken it off, but the reason didn’t seem to matter when he had watched her crumple to the ground. 

It hadn’t taken him long to take care of the other Galra soldiers after that. 

His heart had raced almost as fast as he had when he ran to her side. He had turned her over carefully, examining the wound. He hadn’t even been sure where all the blood had been coming from. It had soaked into her hair and covered her face, rendering her almost unrecognizable. She had been so, so still and quiet. She hadn’t moved at all since he saw her go down. He had known head wounds bled a lot, but he had thought for sure that she was-

A warm hand came up to rest on his shoulder, and Lance was torn from the memory. He nearly gasped aloud as he was jerked back to reality and turned to see Hunk staring at him intently. Overwhelmed by the care and concern in his friend’s dark eyes, Lance quickly looked back at the pod. 

“Hey man, you okay?” Hunk squeezed his shoulder, and it was only then that Lance realized how tense he was. He made himself unclench his hands and jaw, and forced his shoulders down into a relaxed state. Lance sighed heavily, not really feeling like talking about the situation, but also knowing that he couldn’t escape Hunk. 

“No, not really…” 

“Why don’t you go change? Get yourself cleaned up,” Hunk offered. The others had already gone to change when they knew that Pidge was stable. Lance was the only one still in his armor. He looked down to see himself covered in splotches and smears of Pidge’s blood. He at least had the decency to pretend considering the suggestion for a few seconds, but he had a feeling that everyone in the room knew just as well as he did what his answer would be.

“No, I think I’ll stay here.” Hunk shifted a bit, obviously not surprised by his answer, but obviously not satisfied by it either. 

“Lance…” 

“I need to be here when she wakes up!” Lance said a little more forcefully. He couldn’t leave. He had a promise to keep. He shrugged his shoulder, trying to get Hunk off of his case physically and verbally, but Hunk only squeezed tighter. Lance refused to look at him.

“You can’t blame yourself for this, Lance,” Hunk gently admonished. And Lance knew that Hunk’s intentions were nothing but pure, but damn it, Lance never did like lying for pity’s sake. Anger flared up in him, only made worse by the nerves he felt over the situation, but he couldn’t bring himself to care at the moment. 

“How can you say that?! This is all my fault. Literally, my job was to protect her, and I couldn’t do it! How the hell do you not call that my fault?!” Lance flung his arm up in a grand gesture towards Pidge. He imagined her face would have been pale, but it was hard to tell with all the swelling, bruising, and dried blood that was left over. Hunk winced as Lance rounded on him, causing the yellow paladin to drop his hand from Lance’s shoulder. Before Hunk could respond -- which he was definitely about to do -- someone else butted into the conversation. 

“Even if it is your fault, it’s not gonna do you any good to wallow in guilt about it.” Keith was leaning up against the wall across from Pidge’s pod. His head was bowed, arms crossed, and eyes closed even as he spoke. It was something that Pidge and Lance had started calling his Angsty Anime Pose™. Lance would have smirked if not for the circumstances. 

Instead, Lance scowled at him, still obviously miffed, but Keith’s interjection had startled him enough to get ahold of his anger. It wasn’t everyday that Keith offered words of comfort, even if Lance didn’t think they were all that comforting. If anything, he only expected that sort of treatment from Hunk and maybe even…

“They’re right, Lance.” Ah, perfect timing as always, Shiro. While Lance was thankful for the reassurance, he wasn’t exactly in the mood for their pity. 

He hated that Allura had struggled with shaking hands to put Pidge in a healing pod suit. He hated that Coran had practically held his breath while he ran tests. He hated the nervous energy that poured off of Hunk, and how Keith was brooding with anxiety rather than the usual aloofness. Hated seeing the panic that had filled Shiro’s eyes when he first saw Pidge, her small body dangling in Lance’s grasp as he carried her down the ramp of the Blue Lion.

He hated that Pidge could have died today, and he hated being the reason for all of it.

He didn’t want their forgiveness. He had made a nearly fatal mistake. Goofed it up again. He wanted them to be angry at him, because he was pretty angry at himself -- so why weren’t they?! He wanted Allura and Coran to avoid eye contact with him. He wanted Hunk’s disappointment and Keith’s anger. He wanted Shiro to yell at him, tell him it was all his fault. Maybe even that he would never be assigned on a mission with Pidge ever again. He obviously couldn’t handle the responsibility. 

No, what they were doing now was much worse. It was like when your parents told you they weren’t mad, just disappointed. Ugh, so much worse. 

“We were lucky this time; Pidge will be fine. We just have to be sure we do better next time,” Shiro said. And there it was. The key to everything Lance had ever done. Luck. Dumb, dumb luck. It seemed to be the only thing that had gotten him this far in life. It was dumb luck that got him into the fighter pilot program at the Garrison. Dumb luck that made him a paladin of Voltron. Dumb luck that had saved Pidge’s life today. Lance seemed to be living off of the stuff, and yet he was still struggling. 

It would take massive amounts of dumb luck for Pidge to ever care about him the way he cared about her. The doubtful thought had slipped into existence before Lance had a chance to stop it. Okay, so maybe his guilt over all this reached a little further than a teammate bond, because his feelings for Pidge reached a little further than a teammate bond. 

Since they had been unceremoniously launched into space, Lance had grown closer to Pidge in ways he had never expected. Soon enough, he was flirting with Allura less and less, while hanging out with Pidge more and more. He hadn’t even realized the change until Hunk pointed it out to him, and it ignited the epiphany that forever changed the way Lance would view the cute little brainiac. 

He liked Pidge. 

Shit. 

He really, really liked Pidge.

And after that, you’d think things would get a lot easier, but Lance was obviously running out of his notorious luck. Sometimes, he could still act like he didn’t have a crush on his friend, but other times, he couldn’t help but become a bumbling idiot around her.

And everytime he tripped over his own words or felt a hot blush creeping up his neck, she would just laugh it off or raise an eyebrow or tease him just a little bit. Sometimes, it seemed like she hadn’t even noticed his slip-up. Lance still wasn’t sure if he felt relief or a strange regret when that happened. All of her reactions only cemented the fact that she would never see him in that light. 

Suddenly the hiss of artificial air pulled him out of his thoughts, and the others let him rush to the front to catch her if she was lightheaded coming out. The barrier of the pod was quickly deteriorating, and her eyes were slowly blinking open. Despite his guilt over the situation, he couldn’t help but smile when her half lidded eyes landed on him. Just as he opened his mouth to greet her back into the World of the Conscious, her mouth opened in a gasp. Her eyes shot open as well, and she stepped away from him. She hit the back of the pod quickly and slid down the wall some in her efforts to get away from him.

“Who… who are you?” Confusion and fear crossed her face, and she peeked around Lance to see everyone else. He eyes widened even further and snapped back to Lance.  
“Where am I?” It was pretty normal to be disoriented when you came out of a pod, so Lance wasn’t all that phased by her behavior.

His reaction had been automatic. He (clearly) had done it without even thinking, but could you blame him? When he saw a friend in need, Lance jumped at the opportunity. Looking back, Lance knew it had probably been a bad idea to step towards her, even if it had been an attempt to comfort her. He really shouldn’t have reached for her, even if it had been in a calming gesture. And the fact the he still had blood all over him probably, just maybe, hadn’t benefitted the situation. Because if you added all of those factors together, the outcome was Pidge screaming and struggling to fight him off. 

“Everyone back up! Give her some space, give her some space!” Shiro barked. Lance obeyed reluctantly. Pidge thankfully stopped screaming. Shiro took a gentle, slow step into her line of sight. Her chest was heaving as she grew more panicked, so Shiro slowed his movements further and spoke softly.

“Pidge, everything’s okay, you’re okay,” he tried to placate. Her eyes locked in on him, and Lance saw that even in her disoriented state, Pidge still scanned over him, taking in as much information as she could. Her brows furrowed in more confusion.

“How do you know my--” but her statement was cut off as some sort of recognition flickered in her eyes. “C-captain Shirogane?”

Everyone in the room flinched back at those words, and Pidge took the opportunity to run her fingers through her hair -- a nervous tick that Lance had noticed about her long ago. Another gasp fell from her lips, and the next words out of her mouth left them all speechless. 

“What the hell happened to my hair?!” 

Lance watched the girl push her food goo around the bowl, obviously not finding it very appetizing. 

“You really should eat something, Pidge.” The girl in question only shot the princess a pout when her head was turned.

“I know it’s not exactly comfort food, but it really will make you feel better,” Hunk whispered somewhat apologetically. She was doubtful, but went ahead and took a bite. Lance watched her face scrunch up in disgust, and then she swallowed heavily. He couldn’t bring himself to laugh at her obvious distaste. By now, all the humans in the castle had gotten used to the taste and texture of the strange Altean food staple. He nearly shuddered just thinking about trying it for the first time all over again.

Once the initial shock of coming out of the pod had subsided, someone had suggested that maybe Pidge should get cleaned up before they tried to unpack whatever was going on. Like Lance, she was still covered in dried blood, and even though he knew that she was okay, it still made for an alarming sight. 

Pidge didn’t seem too happy with the decision, having a multitude of questions and wanting all of the answers now (truly, the green paladin), but the side effects of the pod were taking their toll. She was still tired and cold and in desperate need of a hot shower, so she didn’t protest too much when Allura led her to her quarters to use her bathroom. After his own shower, Lance had bolted to the dining hall where they had agreed to meet and discuss this problem. 

Now, they sat here awkwardly, wanting to figure out what the quiznak was going on, but not sure how to get the ball rolling. Thankfully, Pidge made it pretty easy.

“Alright, so is anyone gonna tell me where I am?”

“Right now, we’re aboard the Castle of Lions. Does that sound familiar to you?” Shiro took the initiative. Pidge looked at him cautiously, slowly shaking her head. “Does the name Voltron ring a bell?” When Pidge looked at him as if he had just transformed into an Arusian before her eyes, he sighed deeply. “Alright, how about we start with you. What’s the last thing you remember, Pidge?” 

“Um… Normal stuff. Going to school, eating dinner with my mom, looking at stars… If we’re looking at specific events, I guess the last thing I remember is… The Kerberos Mission launch.” The paladins exchanged uneasy glances. If Pidge had forgotten everything after the Kerberos launch, she was missing a lot of key information. 

She didn’t know that the mission had failed, or that she had disguised herself as a boy. She had no idea that she was in space, light years upon light years away from her home. She didn’t even know who they were! The only person she even recognized was Shiro, and well, to say the least, he had changed a lot since the Kerberos mission…

So as gently as possible, Shiro and the others gave her the Sparknotes version of the last two or three years of her life. Pidge seemed to take everything in stride considering bombshell after bombshell was being dropped on her. Her eyes had filled with tears when they explained that her brother and father were still missing, but they quickly reassured her that they were still looking. She had let out a breath of awe when they described Voltron and some of the missions and adventures that they had been on.

“You okay, Pidge? I know this is a lot to take in,” Shiro paused their storytelling to address the girl who had been relatively quiet though this whole ordeal. 

“Yeah,” she answered quickly. Shiro picked up on her briskness and decided to try again.

“You sure?” Her head was bowed, but her eyes shifted between him and the food goo, then to each of her teammates in turn. Lance could have sworn that her gaze settled on him a bit longer than it had the others, and he gave a warm smile, hoping to come across as reassuring. She quickly looked away, and he felt something tug at his chest. 

“Yeah, it’s just….” A deep breath. A hand running through short auburn locks. “You’re right. It is a lot to process, but some things are already starting to come back.”

“Wonderful! So this is temporary!” Allura exclaimed. Everyone’s spirits rose a bit. “It may just take some time for you to remember everything.” Pidge didn’t look content though. She slumped back in her seat, set her spork down, and furrowed her brow.  
Shiro was about to ask her about her wellbeing again, when she spoke up on her own.

“I am really tired though. I think I’m ready for bed if that’s okay with you guys? There’s nothing else you need to tell me, is there?” Shiro hesitated for a minute. On one hand, something was definitely bothering her. On the other, it had been a long day that was nothing short of traumatic. There were probably a lot of things that were bothering her. Maybe some rest would do them all some good. 

“Of course, Pidge. Get some rest,” Shiro finally decided. At this, the team all began getting up and shuffling toward the door when they heard a tentative, “Um,” from the table. Everyone turned back to look at a sheepish Pidge. 

“Where’s my room again?”  
______________________________________________________________________

Katie was never good with small talk. She knew that, and the fact had never really bothered her before. She rarely had to do it, and when she did, it was easy to let the other person take the lead and do most of the talking. Right now though? It was really biting her in the ass. 

Never before had she wanted to fill a silence like she did right now, but what was she supposed to say to this person who seemed to know more about her life than she did? 

She glanced over at the boy that walked beside her now. The one whose eyes had barely left her when the team met in the dining hall and the one who instantly volunteered to see her to her room.His name was Lance? He had definitely piqued her interest.

She studied him as much as she could from her side-eye angle. Even though he ambled down the hallway rather like he was taking a Sunday stroll, Katie could see the stiffness in his shoulders, could see that the hands in his pockets were forming fists. With a slight blush, she noted that he was also terribly handsome, but quickly scolded herself and filed that under “Information That Definitely Didn’t Matter And Should Be Ignored.” 

“Well, here we are,” he said casually as they sidled up to one of the many doors of the hallway. “The bathroom is the second door on the right, down that way,” he explained, tossing his head in that direction, his hands still stuffed in his pockets. 

She was ready to rush into her room, ready to hop in bed and not worry about exchanging niceties with someone who was practically a stranger. But then he stood there for just a moment longer than necessary, and she knew he had something to say. Probably whatever he had been tensely mulling around since they had left the dining hall. So, she stayed there just a moment longer as well, giving him the chance to spill it.

“Hey, I know this is all really confusing right now, and there’s no way I can understand how hard this must be for you, and I… Look, I… I guess what I wanted to say was that I’m really sorry. About how everything went down. I should have… I should have been more careful. Should have been there for you and…” Katie tugged at the hem of her shirt -- one she knew used to be Matt’s -- and wished for nothing more than for him to stop talking. “It’s… I take full responsibility for what happened to you, and I’m so sorry, Pidge.”

Ah, that’s right. He had been with her on the mission that had caused her amnesia. She remembered now how Lance had glared at the table when Captain Shirog-- uh Shiro had explained the circumstances of her injury. It was one of the few times Lance had looked away from her. 

Ironically though, out of everything Lance had just said, the part she had latched onto was probably the last thing on his mind. Her face scrunched up reflexively, which was unfortunate, because Lance seemed to take that as a sign that she was angry with him. 

“You don’t have to forgive me or anything now, I just…,” he panicked, and the remorseful look on his face made Pidge quick to fix her mistake.

“No, no! It’s okay! I’m not mad at you, Lance! I… I obviously don’t remember any of it, so I’m not really hung up on it or anything… I’m sure you did all you could...” She shuffled awkwardly because, well, this was awkward. It was strange to try consoling someone she didn’t really know as they apologized so sincerely for something she couldn’t even remember. “I just, it’s weird, you know? To hear you guys call me Pidge.” 

That seemed to catch his interest. 

“Why is that?” 

“It’s a nickname that Matt gave me. I get onto-” Wait, she hadn’t seen Matt in two years. “Uh, I used to get onto him all the time for calling me that. I hated the nickname, back on earth anyway.” She chuckled a bit, trying to diffuse the tension, but Lance wasn’t exactly playing along. 

“Oh… Would you rather us call you by your real name?” 

“Oh, uh…” And as much as she wanted to say yes, she couldn’t. Because of course she wanted to be called Katie, but she wasn’t really Katie anymore, was she? “No, that’s okay. You’re used to calling me Pidge, and it’d probably be weird to switch now. Especially if I’m gonna get my memories back soon, right?” She offered him a weak smile, and he finally gave one back. It was a lot nicer than the Kicked Puppy look that he kept giving her. 

“Right. Well, I’ll let you go to sleep, but um, one last question?” She nodded for him to continue. “What, uh, what is your real name?” Her eyes widened and she felt a strange and sudden lump in her throat.

“Katie. Katie Holt,” she managed to croak out. 

“Right,” he repeated. “Well, goodnight… Pidge.” 

“Goodnight, Lance.” And with that, they parted, neither feeling particularly better since the time Katie had stumbled out of the pod earlier that day. 1

Katie didn’t bother to watch Lance leave. She pressed her hand to the access panel next to the door -- just like they had shown her in the dining hall -- and quickly fell back against the door. She sank to the ground the minute it closed. 

Even after just one evening of this, it was becoming more and more apparent that she didn’t like this crazy, new world she had been thrown into. She didn’t like the fact that these people who seemed to know her so well didn’t even know her real name. 

And she certainly didn’t like Lance. Not with the way he looked at her, all ashamed and apologetic, with a hint of something else she couldn’t pinpoint behind his blue eyes. She certainly didn’t like the creeping sense of dread she felt every time she looked at him. Because while all the others had a some sort of hazy outline that she was just starting to make out, Lance still held no place in her memories.  
______________________________________________________________________

Pidge was picking at her food goo again. 

It had been a whole week -- no, a whole movement -- since her injury, and things had slowly but surely staggered back to normalcy. For the most part. 

Quite frankly, she was still trying to decide if food goo was actually edible. But at least things like this -- eating breakfast with the team -- felt familiar again. 

Throughout the week -- movement -- memories had come back to her at strange times in strange ways. Often times, they were weird side thoughts, like a stream trickling down the rocks, and once it had momentum, it was almost hard to stop. It usually went something like, “Oh boy, Lance and Keith are bickering again, and doesn’t that remind you of the time Shiro accidentally offended the queen of Brevar, and Keith almost punched their ambassador in the face? And doesn’t that remind you of the time the prince of Gwart wouldn’t become part of the alliance unless he could have Allura’s hand in marriage, and Keith really did punch their ambassador in the face? Also, do you remember that time that Hunk accidentally declared war on the planet-”

“Pidge, how are you doing this morning?” Shiro asked warmly, and she’s still not sure how this man can be so naturally ready for the day first thing in the morning. 

“Good.” She gave him a smile that was about as sturdy as a newborn giraffe. At the moment, she was trying to force herself to voice a concern that she should have told them about a couple of days -- nope, quintants -- ago. 

While it was true that her memory had been improving, there was still one glaring issue...

“But…” All the chatter around the table settled and all eyes turned to her. She gulped, partially from nerves and partially because the disgusting spoonful of food goo she had just eaten felt like it was trying to make its way back up. “I… There might be one problem.”

The seconds -- no, ticks. Quiznak! They outnumbered the Alteans 5:2. Why did they start using Altean time units?! -- The ticks ticked by until Pidge decided to finally look up. Ugh, they looked so concerned. Even with most of her memories recovered, it sometimes surprised Pidge just how much these people cared for her. 

“I am getting my memories back,” she reassured, though it did little to appease them. “And I remember all of you now. Except for…” Come on, Pidge, do it. Just rip the bandaid off. Her gaze shifted to Lance, though he was the last person she wanted to look in the eye right now. “You. I still don’t have any memories about you.” 

Quiznak, this sucked. Lance reacted exactly the way she expected: like she had just spoiled the ending of a sad Nicholas Sparks movie for him. Quiznak, he looked so sad. His eyes widened and mouth hung slightly ajar in a shocked sort of dejection. Nobody said a word, which only served to make Pidge more nervous. She didn’t know what else to say. Thankfully, Shiro quickly took the reigns. 

“Wait, so you don’t- don’t remember Lance at all?” Shiro hesitated for only a second, wincing a bit as he finished the sentence. She couldn’t blame him. It almost felt rude to come out and say it that way, considering Lance was in the room. Like it was something they had to lower their voices for in order not to upset him. But honestly, that ship had already sailed.

“I- No. I have no memories of him.” 

“Wait, but you have memories of the team, and Lance should be there. He’s on the team,” Keith pointed out. Pidge sighed as she ran her fingers through her (much too short) hair. 

“I do have memories of the team as a whole, but the- I... “ She let out a frustrated huff. “It’s kinda hard to explain. It’s like… It’s like when you have a dream, and in the morning, you wake up and remember that someone was in your dream, but for the life of you, you can’t remember who it was. I know someone was there, filling in that space, but I can’t put a face to it.” 

She knew that logically, Lance was the person who belonged in that blank, but even when she tried imagining him there, it felt impossible. Like trying to think of a song melody when another song was already playing. 

“Okay, so… What does that mean? What do we do?” Hunk looked nervously between her and Lance, then pointedly at Shiro, clearly seeking the guidance from the man who always seemed to know what to do. As always, Shiro delivered. 

“We obviously still don’t know all the ways your injury affected your brain, and we’re lucky that you’ve recovered as much as you have already. Let’s give it some more time and see how things play out. There are some other things that haven’t come back yet, right?” Pidge nodded as she thought about how she was still adjusting to food goo and Altean time units. She didn’t feel like she actually remembered them. She really only knew of them because of exposure to them post-amnesia. “We’ll only start worrying if those come back, but you still don’t have anything about Lance. Until then, I would suggest spending some more time with him. Hopefully, it will trigger a memory.”

Pidge looked down when she felt a slight blush of embarrassment coming on. Had he noticed that she had been avoiding Lance all movement (hey, she got it right that time!)? Could anyone blame her though? The only time the blue paladin had really smiled at her was when she had first awoken from the healing pod. Since then, his default expression around her looked like someone had told him that they didn’t believe in his dream to become a standup comedian. 

“Right… We’ll do that, Shiro.”

The team shuffled out of the dining hall one at a time, each headed for their own freetime activity. Pidge stood up. 

“I guess I’m gonna head to the lab,” she announced to Lance and Hunk, the only two people left in the dining area. 

“Do you want me to come with you? I just have to finish up the cleaning in here real fast,” Hunk offered kindly. 

“No thanks! See you later, “ she said without looking back. Thank goodness he was the one to offer. If it had been Lance, she would have had a lot harder time turning him down. 

Sure, Shiro had literally just told them that they needed to spend more time together, but she couldn’t exactly explain to him why the thought of that filled her with dread. So, if she could put it off, she would. 

Besides, she really wanted to see if she could get to the lab without asking for directions this time.  
______________________________________________________________________

Hunk was putting up the last of the dishes when he heard the fifth -- or was it sixth? -- sigh to come from the table in the last ten doboshes. He glanced over to his friend who had his arms crossed and was using them as a pillow on the table. Hunk loved Lance, he really did, but even he had to admit that the blue paladin looked a little pathetic slumped over the table, his brow furrowed and his chin jutting out over his forearms. It was definitely the sixth sigh. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Hunk offered as he took out a rag to wipe down the counters. He did that a lot. Offered things, usually his support or a shoulder to cry on for his teammates. Not that he minded. It was all in a day’s work for a leg of Voltron. 

Lance opened his mouth several times, trying to say something, but each time he closed it again, apparently not happy with whatever he had planned to say. As an afterthought, Hunk pulled out a second rag and tossed it at Lance, a silent request for him to wipe down the table. He obliged, and the task seemed to help the words come to Lance. 

“I… I’m just at a loss, Hunk. I don’t really know what to do.”

“What do you mean? You heard Shiro. You should spend more time with Pidge.” Hunk said patiently.

“Yeah, but…” Lance groaned in frustration as he scrubbed at a particularly stubborn spot on the table. “I don’t know. I… almost don’t want to? I used to hang out with Pidge all the time, so I don’t get why it feels impossible now.” 

“Could it maybe be because it doesn’t seem like Pidge wants to be around you either?” Lance jolted at his words.

“Yes! I’m not the only one who picked up on that?!” Hunk suppressed a sigh and a fond shake of his head. The way this conversation was going, it seemed that Lance thought he was ahead of the game, when in reality, everyone on the team other than Lance and Pidge knew what this issue was. That was okay though. Hunk was happy to leave Lance a trail of breadcrumbs if it meant that his friends would find happiness at the end of it. 

“I don’t get it! I mean, I guess she doesn’t really remember me, so that explains part of it, but she didn’t remember you in the beginning and didn’t have a problem with you then either!” 

“Lance, Pidge probably doesn’t want to hang out with you because you keep looking at her like you killed her family, but then you started feeling really bad about doing it, and now, you’re trying to decide if sending a gift basket would make up for it.” Lance looked a little outraged at that, but there was also a hint of embarrassment. It was the face he made when someone called him out on something, and he knew they were right. 

“I- She- I don’t-” he sputtered. Oh, yeah, he knew Hunk was right. “Well, how am I supposed to feel?! I screwed up! I couldn’t protect her! Like Shiro said, we’re lucky that her memories were the only thing she lost. It’s my own fault that she doesn’t remember me.” Lance stopped his rant there, but Hunk knew him well enough to imagine what his next words would have been. 

Maybe it’s what I deserve.

Lance had finished wiping the table at this point and was leaning back against it, looking down at his shoes. The unspoken words hung over him like a ghost.

“Lance,” Hunk began sternly. “You realize that we are literally fighting in a war right now, right? We all knew the risks that came with that when we agreed to stay. And you know that you are just one human being. Mistakes will be made whether we like it or not.”

Lance glanced at Hunk almost nervously.

“No,” he replied. “No, I can’t afford to make mistakes. Not with Pidge’s life on the line. Not with any of your lives on the line.” Hunk didn’t bother holding down his sigh this time. Sometimes he forgot how hard Lance was on himself -- the boy was really good at hiding it behind his goofball attitude -- but moments like this left Hunk wondering how he could ever think otherwise. He crossed from the kitchen into the dining area and put a comforting hand on Lance’s shoulder. 

“Maybe so. But the past is in the past now. You gotta stop beating yourself up over it, man. Because we can’t change what happened, but now you have the opportunity to help Pidge byyyy…” Hunk prompted. 

“By… Spending time with her to help her regain her memories…” Lance mumbled, almost rolling his eyes with the statement, as if he still wasn’t completely happy with the situation. Which he wasn’t, but once again, Hunk was right, and Lance knew it. Resistance was futile as far as Hunk was concerned. 

“Right!” Hunk chirped, hoping to lighten the mood again. He stepped back from Lance with an impish smile on his face. 

“So get to it, loverboy!” He chuckled at the blush that quickly rose to Lance’s cheeks. 

“Alright, alright, I’m going! And I’m definitely not her loverboy!” Lance marched out of the dining hall, more out of embarrassment than actual anger.

Whatever. Lance could pretend all he wanted that he didn’t like Pidge, but everyone minus Pidge knew the truth.

Yep. Resistance really was futile.  
______________________________________________________________________

Alright, this was really starting to get on her nerves.

Pidge could handle the leg bouncing and the occasional question or bored sigh. Those things didn’t bother her all that much. They were small distractions that faded into background noise while she was working. 

Since Shiro had directed them to spend more time together, they had worked out a sort of unspoken agreement. Pidge tromped around the castle, doing whatever she wanted, and Lance followed dutifully, never far behind. 

In the beginning, his presence had created a nervous energy in her, as if she was trying to lie to him, and at any moment, he was going to ask her a question she couldn’t answer and expose her. Eventually that feeling wore away. When he “hung out” with her, as Lance liked to call it, he would drift around, not saying much, and as long as he wasn’t touching her stuff, she didn’t really care. 

But then he had started the hovering. 

At this particular moment, he was right over her shoulder, watching her pick at the insides of some Altean device. He was so close, Pidge could feel the heat coming off of him. If he wanted to, he could set his chin right on her shoulder. Every once in a while, he hummed in interest, even though she was sure he had no idea what she was working or what she was even doing with it. 

Pidge could imagine his face now: not entirely bored, but not as if he was on the edge of his seat (though he was certainly putting her on the edge of hers). A sort of passive fascination, like when you scroll through social media and find a video on something you aren’t really that interested in, but you decide to watch it anyways, because do you have anything better to do? Of course not, you’re on social media and -- Oh quiznak, maybe she shouldn’t have been so focused on Lance, because now the machine on her desk was spitting sparks.

Lance jerked back on instinct -- finally, she could have some space -- but then his hand came up and gently gripped her upper arm, pulling her back from the sparks protectively. 

“Whoa....” he breathed in her ear, and she hoped that he couldn’t feel the shiver that ran down her back. The annoying and unwelcome thrill that had burned within her for a second was quickly replaced by strong irritation. Alright. That was it. 

Pidge spun around in her seat, effectively jerking her arm out of his grasp. He stumbled back, his eyes widening. 

“Lance! Would it kill you to--” But she stopped short when suddenly she wasn’t in her lab anymore, but up at the castle’s bridge. 

Lance was leaning towards Allura. Way too close, if you asked Pidge. He was sporting a grin that could have been considered charming, except both girls present would hardly call it that.

“We’ll get right on that, Princess. Anything for you,” Lance punctuated his statement with a wink. He spun around so quickly, he missed the Princess’s flawless eye roll. Pidge would have rolled her eyes as well, but her sass was cut short when Lance instantly marched up to her and started pushing her towards the door. 

“Come on, Pidge, there’s work to be done, no time to dilly dally!” he rambled as he practically shoved her into the hallway. She stumbled away from him, unsure why his hands on her back made her stomach turn, and even more unsure of why she kinda liked it. Pidge narrowed her eyes at him as they headed off to do their job. 

“Lance, would it kill you to not flirt with a girl just once?” she mumbled dryly. Mild annoyance flashed across his face for a tick, but quickly morphed into mischief. The blue paladin stepped in front of her, stopping both of them in the hallway. He leaned down towards her face, looking her directly in the eye. Again, way too close if you asked Pidge. 

“I don’t know. Let’s find out,” Lance said. Suddenly, his face scrunched up in concentration, and he became very solemn and still. Pidge’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and just when she opened her mouth to ask what he was doing, a strangled noise bubbled out of his throat. He stood up straight, making a few more exaggerated retching noises, his eyes rolling upwards and his fingers grabbing at his neck as if he was being choked. 

Pidge’s eyes widened at his joke, and she pushed past him forcefully so he wouldn’t see her flustered blush. His gagging noises were replaced by hearty laughter that echoed down the hallway, and she was half tempted to turn around and see the smile that was no doubt dazzling. 

“I hope you choke on your own cheesy pick up lines, Lance!” she called without looking back, hoping he didn’t hear the giggles bubbling up between her words. 

“Cheesy?! My pick up lines are not cheesy! My brother Marco taught me everything I know!” he sputtered indignantly as he trotted to catch up with her. 

And just like that, Pidge opened her eyes, and she was back in the lab. Something that looked like orange jello now covered the project she had been working on, and Lance held something that she assumed was an Altean fire extinguisher. The boy in question looked at her with concern written all over his face. 

“Are you okay?! You just froze up there for a tick!” Pidge sucked in a shaky breath and could only stare at him.

Because, surely, there was no way that her past self had liked this schmuck like that.  
______________________________________________________________________

“Hmmmm… And you said that it inhibited you?” Coran hovered around her, scanning her head with yet another Altean device that she needed to get her hands on.

Pidge opened her mouth to respond, but Lance beat her to it.

“She was out like a light for at least two -- No! Three minutes!” he interjected. Lance was pacing across the floor anxiously, waving his hands dramatically every time he talked. She glared at him from around Coran. 

Pidge was a big girl. She could describe her own vivid, debilitating flashbacks all by herself, thank you very much. 

Lance didn’t even notice that Pidge was giving him the stink eye, but Shiro did. He shrugged and smiled apologetically as if to say, “Lance means well.” Pidge could only roll her eyes. 

Lance had tried to take Pidge to the infirmary right after her little episode, but Pidge had insisted that she was fine. They had circled around their options, neither wanting to give in. They finally managed a compromise in which Pidge would go to the infirmary, but only after she got to clean up the mess made in her lab (and maybe save a sample of that orange goo from the extinguisher, because wow! It was fascinating). 

Lance had called in the rest of the team, and now they all sat around the room, waiting for any news. If there even was any news; Pidge highly doubted it. Sure, the experience had been really, really weird, but she felt fine! 

“And you weren’t aware of anything going on around you?” Coran questioned. Pidge opened her mouth, but barely got a breath out before being interrupted again.

“No! Her thingamajig literally burst into flames right next to her! It’s a good thing I was there, or else-”

“Lance, stop being so dramat-” And suddenly, it was happening all over again. This time she was standing outside a dorm at the Garrison, and she was feeling tired and annoyed.

“Lance! Are you ready yet?!” Pidge knocked irritably on the door. She then turned and leaned against it, tilting her head back until it hit the cold surface. “Peterson isn’t gonna be happy if you are late to her class again…” she mumbled while closing her eyes. Man, what she wouldn’t give for some more sleep. She was up too late last night, sending messages out, hoping Matt or Dad would answer…

“You know you can come wait in here, right? I’m almost ready anyways, and we have plenty of time. Don’t be so dramatic!” Lance’s muffled voice said. The door slid open and Pidge had to stop herself from falling flat on her butt. Thankfully, she managed a gracless stumble instead. 

“Lance, you are probably the most dramatic person I… uh…” Pidge had whipped around to shoot Lance a glare, but that was interrupted by the fact that Lance was very shirtless at the moment. 

And she was suddenly very awake.

Okay, she could play it cool. Then again, she found it hard to ignore how her stomach was doing flips. It reminded her of that time Matt had taken her to that traveling carnival. That foot long corn dog and the Zipper had not been a good combination. Should she really be comparing seeing a shirtless guy to almost throwing up from a carnival ride? Probably not. Wait, was she staring? How long had she been staring?! Had he noticed? Ohhh, he was smirking. He totally noticed. Shit, shit, shit- 

“Like what you see, Gunderson?” Lance drawled, looking like the cat who ate the canary. Pidge’s mouth dropped open, fully intending to spit out some witty remark, but her brain blue screened. 

“...I’m going to class,” she finally managed. She spun around and marched out without looking back. “Good luck getting another tardy.” She heard the door of his room slide close and started walking as fast as her little legs could take her. 

Oh, he was never gonna let her live this down. Would this draw attention to her? Would someone figure her out? What was she doing?! ‘You’re here to find Dad and Matt, not oogle pretty boys. Focus!’ Pidge thought to herself. 

Then she was blinking open her eyes to see all of her teammates gathered around her, leaning in close. Surprised, she jumped back some, causing the rest of them to do the same. 

“Fascinating…” Coran remarked, twirling one end of his mustache. 

“So, wait. You just remembered something? About Lance? Oh my gosh, what did you remember?!” Hunk asked so intensely, it felt more like an interrogation than an excited curiosity. It might as well have been an interrogation, because Pidge wasn’t talking. Nope. The memory itself was embarrassing enough. There was no way she was sharing with the class. 

Pidge sputtered, trying to come up with something to say, but thankfully, Shiro saved her.

“Pidge’s memories are her personal business. If she wants to tell us, she can, but she doesn’t have to.” Hunk deflated slightly at this, narrowing his eyes at her suspiciously. There was no way he knew what she had remembered, but the way he was looking at her certainly felt like he did. Pidge hoped he didn’t notice her gulp.

______________________________________________________________________

Pidge really wished she wasn’t drinking out of a space capri sun right now. Yeah, it was a cool idea for the Alteans to put their drinks in pouches, but damn. Training for a war wasn’t a walk in the park, and there wasn’t really any way to guzzle water through a tiny straw. 

She and Hunk watched from the sidelines while Keith and Lance practiced hand-to-hand combat. Shiro observed closely, offering instruction and criticism when needed. A bitter part of Pidge was rooting for Keith to deck him. 

Since the “Lance Flashbacks” had started, the only memories she had recovered seemed to be the obnoxious ones. Lance flirting, Lance antagonizing Keith, Lance making dumb jokes (okay, maybe some of those had made her laugh, but still). Did the boy ever stop? And why was he so loud???

Honestly, he wasn’t a terrible person by any means, but Pidge just could not wrap her head around the fact that she had liked this guy. Not just in a “Oh, he’s so handsome” way. No, she liked him. His personality and everything!

Pidge usually prided herself on solving tough equations, but none of this added up! There was no way she liked this arrogant, loud, obnoxious-

Just then, Lance caught Keith off guard, clearly gaining the upper hand. “Ha! Gotcha!” he yelled triumphantly.

Pidge blinked, and when she opened her eyes, she was no longer on the training deck, but under a tree in the grassy meadows of some beautiful planet. The lavender colored skies were the only reason she didn’t mistake it for Earth (she wondered what made them that color). Well, that and the fact that Lance was out in the middle of the meadow, chasing what appeared to be a group of alien children.

Except for the stubby horns on their heads, the children looked humanesque.

“Aha! I gotcha!” Lance cried as he scooped one up into his arms. The kid laughed uncontrollably, wiggling and squirming, trying to break free. He set the child down and started after another. 

The bushes rustled near her, and Pidge sat up as an adult alien approached. This one’s horns were long and intricate, twisting upwards.

“Oh, hey, Ulpha,” Pidge said. Ulpha murmured her own greeting as she studied Lance playing with the children. 

“They seem to be having fun,” Ulpha chuckled.

“Oh yeah, loads of it,” Pidge responded. The kids had teamed up, and were now chasing Lance through the flowers.

“I’m glad he’s getting all their energy out,” Ulpha whispered. “Hopefully, they won’t be so fussy when it’s naptime.” 

“That’s what we’re hoping will happen to Lance too,” Pidge smirked, her eyes narrowed playfully. The paladin and the alien shared a laugh. 

“You are lucky to have him as a mate,” Ulpha complimented. Lance was being tackled to the ground, but Pidge’s full attention was on the horned alien now. 

“Oh, we don’t… We aren’t, uh, mates,” she sputtered gracelessly, suddenly finding that it was much too hot, even under the shade of the tree. Ulpha seemed genuinely surprised. 

“No? What a shame. You two seem to work well together. Plus, he will make a great father.” Before Pidge could even comprehend the implication of having children with Lance, Ulpha walked out to the meadow and called the group in for lunch. One of the younger children -- they seemed to be about two or three years old by earth standards -- started crying. 

“I… wan..na…keep plaaaayinng!” he wailed between his sobs. Lance scooped the kid up and held him against his hip. 

“We can play again later! My tummy is hungry,” he said brightly. The young alien continued to cry until they reached the stone staircase that led out of the meadow and up to Ulpha’s house. A look crossed Lance’s face that let Pidge know he was cooking up a plan.

“Oh my gooosh, we have to go up the staaairs?” Lance drew his words out in an exaggerated way. It was a tone of voice that only happened when talking to children. The alien child still whimpered, but at least Lance had his attention now. “Welp! Up we go!” he chirped. Then Lance marched up the staircase, each step bouncing the kid playfully. “Up, up, up, up!” he sang with a different pitch for each word. 

They reached a landing and Lance stopped. The boy still had tear tracks down his cheeks, but now sported a bright smile stretched across his face. “Oooh man, there are soooo many stairs,” Lance lamented.

“Do that again!” the boy giggled. 

“Okay,” Lance agreed immediately, looking more than happy to oblige. He began to walk up the next set of stairs merrily, with Pidge and the others chuckling behind him. 

Pidge blinked and opened her eyes to the training deck once again. Looking around, it was hard to say what exactly had happened during her flashback, but the outcome of Lance and Keith’s sparring session was obvious. 

“Come on! You cheated! I had you!” Lance complained. Why Keith always took the bait, Pidge would never understand.

“I did not! I beat you fair and square!” Keith argued back.

They were causing such a ruckus, it was no wonder that no one had noticed her flashback. Well, no one except Shiro. 

“You good, Pidge?” he murmured. 

“Huh? Oh, yeah,” she mumbled before turning back to watch Lance just as he started demanding a rematch. “Yeah, ‘m fine.”

Pidge prided herself on knowing things, and now that she knew there was more to him than what he showed, she was bound and determined to know Lance the way her past self had.  
______________________________________________________________________

In hindsight, maybe asking Hunk about Lance hadn’t been the smartest idea. Sure, her memories on Hunk were still pretty fresh, but Pidge should have known he would be all… weird about it. When Pidge mentioned Lance, the look on Hunk’s face was enough to let her know that she had made a mistake.

“Oh… So you want to know more about Lance…” Hunk said smugly as he stirred something purple in a mixing bowl. 

“Uh, yeah, well… Just trying to bring up some more memories I guess,” she sat across the counter from Hunk, picking at her clothes and avoiding eye contact. “You know, to speed up the process.” Pidge offered a smile to seem innocent, but it did nothing to smother Hunks grin. Oh, this was such a bad idea. Why did she do this?

“Well, what do you want to know?” Hunk asked while pouring the strange batter into a baking pan. 

“Um, I guess just... what we were like before I lost my memories,” Pidge ventured. Her curiosity conquered her embarrassment. Besides, she had a feeling it was too late to drop the subject now.

“Oh, that’s easy. You were in love with each other,” Hunk said bluntly, not even glancing up at Pidge as he stuck the pan into the oven. Pidge blanched, not believing that those words had just come out of Hunk’s mouth. 

“Hunk! Be serious! We were not!” she protested, hoping he didn’t see the blush that was all over her face. 

“Oh really? And how do you know that?” he asked. 

“I-- Well-- Oh, come on, Hunk! I may not have all my memories of him, but a good majority have been him flirting with other girls! It doesn’t exactly give the impression that he’s interested…” Pidge promptly began pouting, which okay, that was kinda childish, but Hunk was being utterly ridiculous. He fixed her with a disbelieving look.

“Pidge, Lance is my best friend. I think I know the girl he likes. And you weren’t exactly subtle about your crush on him,” Pidge tensed at this bit of information. Had she really been that obvious? “Don’t worry, Lance was none the wiser,” Hunk added after noticing Pidge’s panic. 

“I didn’t…” Pidge sighed. It seemed pointless to deny her crush on Lance now. Hunk had left out the niceties, and try as she might, she knew he would never believe her if she said otherwise. “Okay, so what if I did like Lance? That wasn’t really what I came here to discuss!” she accused, even though that’s almost exactly what she came here to discuss. She had just hoped that she could do so discreetly, but obviously Hunk didn’t feel like taking that approach. 

“Well, you asked me what you two were like before you lost your memories! I’m telling you! You guys hung out all the time, joked around… Sometimes you drove each other crazy, but overall? You just pined after each other all the time. It was only a little disgusting,” Hunk half joked. 

Pidge furrowed her brow. They seemed to be at a stalemate. There was just no way Lance liked her that way! True, since the memory on the training deck, her flashbacks of Lance had only gotten more pleasant. In some of them, he was funny, resourceful, sweet, and downright heroic, but none of that took away from the fact that he very obviously flirted with every other girl but her. 

The Lance she had come to know since she stumbled out of the healing pod didn’t help the situation. Sure, they both had gotten better at interacting with each other. Lance didn’t treat her like a fragile object anymore, and Pidge didn’t push him away as much as she used to. They got along better, and had started to enjoy each other’s company again, but none of it pointed to him having feelings for her. 

“I don’t know, Hunk. I just don’t see it happening,” she sighed. 

“Don’t see what happening?” came a voice from behind her. Pidge whipped around in her bar stool to see Lance walking into the kitchen, a friendly smile on his face. He raised his eyebrow, waiting for an answer as she sputtered. 

“Uh! A new project we’re working on! Or really, it’s sorta a side project. It just doesn’t seem possible to fit it into our schedule with all the other things we have to do. You know, for Voltron. Anyway, I don’t want to bore you with the details!” Quiznak, she was bad at lying. How did she fool everyone at the Garrison into believing she was a boy?!

Anyone who knew Pidge just a little would know that she was lying. One, because she was rambling like an idiot. And two, because when it came to science, Pidge loved to bore people with the details. 

Lance opened his mouth, but before he could get a word out, a cross look washed over his face. His nose crinkled, and instead of calling Pidge out on her terrible lie, he said, “Is something burning?” 

Hunk, who had been rather amused by the whole ordeal now panicked as he ran toward the oven. 

“Oh quiznak, my cake!” He opened the hatch and thick clouds of smoke came billowing out. “Why did it bake so fast?! It wasn’t supposed to bake this fast!” he cried. 

Pidge jumped into action, retrieving what she now knew to be the Altean fire extinguisher from the wall and running to the oven. Just as she took aim, she got a mouthful of smoke and everything stopped. 

The other memories had come smoothly. She had slipped into them like daydreams and found her way back to the conscious world just as easily. This memory was more like falling through ice into the dark waters below. It chilled her to the bone and left her scrambling to find a way out.

She was drowning in it. 

There was an Arusian party, a loud boom, and hurrying feet. Then a powerless castle and the team gathering around an injured Lance. Shiro had propped him up to assess the damage. Pidge didn’t even know where to begin. Every bit of visible skin looked charred and hot, and oh God, the smell of burning flesh was too much--

Pidge gasped for air when the flashback ended, as if she had just resurfaced from the cold depths. The fire extinguisher was gone from her hands, the fire was put out, and now a very worried Hunk and Lance were hovering in front of her. 

That awful smell still lingered in her lungs, she needed to breathe, she needed--

She pushed Hunk and Lance out of the way, ran for the sink, and vomited. It wasn’t until the final wretches that she noticed the hands that held her hair and rubbed smooth circles into her back. Tears streamed down her face, and she wasn’t sure if they were from the smoke, the vomiting, or the impact of the memory. Probably all three. 

She turned the sink on and rinsed her mouth out. Then, she pushed away from the counter and away from her teammates. Her skin was crawling, and as kind as their gesture was, she really didn’t want to be touched right now. 

“Pidge-” Lance reached for her again, but she cut him off. 

“No! No. Don’t touch me! Sorry, I just-” She squeezed her eyes shut. One, two steadying breaths. She needed to get out of this kitchen. “I want to be alone right now.” And without waiting for a response, Pidge turned and fled. 

Hunk and Lance were left staring at the door she had just walked though, shaken and disheartened that they couldn’t help their friend. 

“...I thought things were getting better…” Hunk said.

“So did I.”  
______________________________________________________________________

Before Pidge lost her memories, she almost never dreamed at night. It hadn’t ever mattered to her. Pidge had never really cared about dreams anyway.

But when she did loose her memories, she had noticed that some of them would come back in the form of dreams. So far, all had been pleasant or mundane. They all carried a certain deja vu with them, and most of the time, she didn’t even have to have her teammates confirm that they were memories. She just knew.

So when she left the kitchen, Pidge had decided that some unconsciousness would do her good. She hadn’t been expecting another memory to grip her in her sleep.

In this one, she was being crushed. Quiznak, the air was being squeezed right out of her. Her eyes were screwed shut, and a deep voice rumbled, “Stand back.” 

Then, through her eyelids, she saw a flash of blue, and the crushing weight was lifted. She tumbled to the ground roughly, grunting at the impact, but thankful for the relief. 

Before she could open her eyes in her dream, she was opening her eyes in the waking world, sweaty and tangled in her blankets. They were well into the night cycle, but the unsettling and confusing dream had made sure that she wouldn’t be going back to sleep anytime soon. 

Her room felt stuffy and her throat felt dry, so she slipped on her fuzzy green paladin slippers and started her walk to the kitchen. Thankfully, the awful smell from before had cleared out. 

Pidge got herself a water pouch and shut her eyes, playing her dream over in her head. As unpleasant as it was, maybe if she thought about it enough, she would remember something else and understand it. 

In fact, she was so focused on it, she didn’t hear the footsteps approaching in the hall. She didn’t hear the ‘whoosh’ of the automatic door. She didn’t even notice that someone else was in the room until they spoke. 

“Pidge?” a voice sounded softly from across the room. She jumped, her head jerking up to see Lance, also in his paladin pajamas and looking just as shocked to see her as she was to see him. “Sorry!” he spoke again quickly. “I didn’t mean to scare you! I thought maybe you were having another memory, and I didn’t expect you to, ya know, actually hear me…” He finished his statement with an awkward neck scratch. 

“It’s fine,” she said, calming herself and hopping up to sit on the counter. “What are you doing up so late?” 

“Couldn’t sleep. You?” Lance said as he got himself some water. 

“Something like that…” Pidge mumbled. Even as she stared into the straw of her space water pouch, she could feel his eyes on her. It was so quiet in the castle at this hour, she could almost hear his thoughts flitting around in his head. 

“Hey, do you remember the time we went to the space mall?” 

Okay, maybe she couldn’t hear his thoughts, because she hadn’t been expecting him to ask that. 

“Uhh…Sorta? Yeah, I think so…” said Pidge, trying to reach out for the memory in her head. “There were… weird costumes and… we needed money for something...?” She also remembered a cow, but that couldn’t be right. 

Lance smiled, obviously finding the memory a fond one for some reason. 

“Yeah, there’s an Earth store at the space mall. You and I waded around a mall fountain collecting money until we had enough to buy Killbot Phantasm I.” Pidge’s jaw dropped. 

“Wait, we bought Killbot Phantasm I?” Lance nodded. Pidge narrowed her eyes.  
“But there’s no way to play it unless we have a Mercury Gameflux II console…” she said suspiciously. Lances smile grew into a downright shit-eating grin. “Oh my god. You’re joking. With the power glove attachment? Lance, I swear, if you’re joking, I will launch you into the nearest galaxy.” He laughed.

“It’s in my room right now if you want to play…” He suggested coyly. 

“Then what are we waiting for? Let’s go!” Pidge said as she jumped off the counter and made a beeline for the door.  
______________________________________________________________________

Pidge didn’t know what she expected of Lance’s room. “Teenage boy” usually indicated “messy,” but that didn’t describe Lance’s room at all. If anything, that described Pidge’s room. No, Lance’s room was full of the interesting things he had collected in their few months in space, but it wasn’t cluttered or disorganized by any means. 

“Hang on, I’ll move the console around so we can sit on the bed. The games are over there if you want to grab it,” Lance said over his shoulder as her started working on the optimal gaming set up.

Pidge made her way toward where he had pointed, seeing Killbot Phantasm on the top of a small stack on his night stand. Just moments ago, she had been ecstatic to play it again, but just seeing the cover art made her stomach turn. The memory of playing it with Matt made her heart ache, and the knowledge that he was missing was still fresh in her mind.

Distracting herself, she took a look at the other games that were on the nightstand. There were only two others: something that was entirely in Russian and one called-

“Mother Simulator?” Pidge asked. Why in the quiznak would they have gotten this game?

“Huh?” Lance asked looking up from his work. “Oh, yeah. The salesman gave us those for free when we bought the Gameflux and everything. Well, those and Kaltenecker.” 

“Kaltenecker?” Pidge hated how amnesia made the answers she got just raise more questions. 

“Our cow.” Pidge almost dropped the games that were in her hands. 

“We have a cow?!” Okay, so maybe there had been a cow at the space mall. Space was even stranger than she ever could have imagined. Lance finished plugging everything into their respective outlets and turned to fully face her with his hands on his hips. 

“Do you want to discuss our cow at the space equivalent of…” He trailed off, craning his neck around Pidge to look at the clock on his nightstand. “One in the morning, or do you want to play Killbot Phantasm?” As he said the last part, Pidge could practically see him rubbing his hands together maniacally. 

“Actually… Do you mind if we play something else?” Lance’s eyes widened and his arms dropped to his sides.

“Oh. Sure, what do you want to play?” His face scrunched up as he looked over their other options. Pidge guessed that he hadn’t even glanced at them since getting them. Which was understandable. Few games could out-shine Killbot, but she needed a distraction from that right now. 

“Well,” Pidge said jokingly, holding one up, “obviously, this one.”  
______________________________________________________________________

Lance loved her laugh. Like, really loved it. 

It turned out that Mother Simulator was a one player game, but Pidge didn’t seem to mind sitting out for a while and watching Lance play. Half a varga later, they discovered Lance was apparently terrible at this game, which led to a lot of screaming and laughing. Lance hoped the castle walls were soundproof. 

“Lance! Quit running around like a crazy person! You’re gonna-” 

“Quiznak!” he shouted as he watched the virtual baby bottle topple to the floor. His character on screen picked it up and frantically ran to the sink to wash it off once again. 

“That wouldn’t have happened if you would just slow down!” Pidge says in between giggles. “You’re trying to do too much at once!” 

“I’m trying to do what’s right! My. Baby. Needs. This. Bottle.” Lance punctuated each of the words dramatically. “Also, there’s a time limi-NOOOOOO.” Pidge howled with laughter as he once again knocked the bottle over while trying to put formula in it. Lance glanced over to see tears streams on her cheeks, reflecting the light of the screen. It made him giddier than he would like to admit, knowing that he had made her laugh until she cried. 

The timer on the game buzzed, indicating Lance’s failure. Pidge giggled again as she flopped backwards on the bed. “You suck.” 

“I don’t,” Lance whined, laying down next to her. “Being a mom is hard…” 

Silence settled over them. It wasn’t until now that Lance realized how tired he was. Pidge and the video game had taken the last morsel of energy that he had left. His mouth stretched into a yawn when Pidge spoke to him again. 

“Lance?” The liveliness had drained from her voice as well, and he looked at her out of the corner of his eye. She was lying very still on her back. Her eyes were closed and her breathing was deep. If she hadn’t just said his name, Lance would have thought that she was asleep. 

Either she was tired, or she was about to say something important. Maybe both.

“Yeah?” There was a short pause, and then:

“I’m really glad you’re not dead.” Lance huffed a small laugh at this. It was definitely both. And maybe the exhaustion was getting to him too because his reply was something he probably wouldn’t have said in his right mind.

“Thanks? Can’t guarantee how long that will last if we keep up this whole ‘Intergalactic Space War’ thing,” he mumbled, closing his eyes again.

“No, you’re not allowed to die. I won’t let you.”

“Okay.” Pidge turned on her side to face him, and he did the same.

“Promise?” Her voice sounded so ernest, he cracked his eyes open and was surprised to see her staring back at him. 

“Only if you promise to do the same,” he said back with full seriousness. 

Their eyelids were drooping as he moved his hand across the sheets, pinky extended. She linked her pinky with his, sealing the deal.

“Good, it’s settled then,” she said. With the satisfaction of a new promise under their belts, they both drifted off to sleep.  
______________________________________________________________________

She dreamed again that night, but this memory was much less alarming. 

In this one, she was sitting on the floor, her laptop abandoned next the her and a giant observation window in front of her. There were so many stars, but they were so far away, the room was almost completely dark. 

“You saved me, you know,” she said. “Sendak had me, but you woke up and blasted him.” 

“Can’t have you dying on my watch, Pidgey,” he said. 

They were both guarded people, counting on how others perceive them to get by. Not long ago, Pidge wanted everyone to believe she was a boy. Lance was hoping that no one saw through his confident front. They didn’t know each other very well, but late nights with no sleep and surviving near-death experiences together were optimal conditions to change that. In between the darkness and the stars, their facades were fading. 

She didn’t know what kind of emotion that sentence evoked in her, and she wasn’t sure she could handle that now, so she decided to change the subject. 

“What was it like in the cryopod?” Yes, that worked. She would much rather talk about science than emotions any day.

He didn’t answer immediately and when he shifted uncomfortably next to her, she worried she had asked the wrong thing. But then his voice emerged from the night and she listened intently.

“I… don’t remember much. There were dreams that I don’t remember, but I know they weren’t good ones… The worst part was coming out of it. Maybe it’s because I’m new to being here in space, but I felt so… lost and confused when I got out of there. I’m glad that I found you guys so quickly. And honestly? I hope I never have to go back in.”

“I’m sorry. That sounds awful,” she said as she pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. Then an idea popped in her head. “What if… what if we make sure that neither one of us has to be alone when we’re released from the pod?” 

“You mean you’ll be there when I come out?”

“And vice versa.” He seemed to think on it for a moment, and when he responded again, his voice was nothing more than a whisper.

“Promise?”

“Promise.” 

Finally, she turned to look at him and held out her pinky finger, and without hesitation, he linked his with hers.  
______________________________________________________________________

“Good work everyone. Hit the showers,” Shiro called out to the other paladins. 

He and Keith and Hunk took off toward the bathrooms, while Pidge and Lance finished up their cool-down stretches. They were a bit behind everyone else since they had turned up to training late. 

Pidge’s cheeks still flushed at the memory of Hunk barging into Lance’s room, only to find them sleeping in the same bed. At first, Hunks jaw had dropped, but before either of them could put their feet on the ground, his expression had turned far too coy for Pidge’s liking. 

“Oh sorry, I didn’t realize I was interrupting something… We- “ Hunk had had the nerve to snort, his shoulders shaking with his silent laughter. “We were, uh, wondering where you guys were. You’re late for training.” 

They had changed quickly in the locker rooms, and scrambled onto the training deck. Pidge couldn’t even look Keith in the eye when he burst through the door, looking awfully worried, and saying that Pidge hadn’t been in her room or her lab, and they needed to start looking for her. He had looked much less concerned when he saw Pidge standing there, turning a shade similar to his lion. 

Meanwhile, Hunk had had a field day. They had lost track of the jokes that he had said during training. 

Now it was just her and Lance on the training deck, and Pidge wasn’t sure if that was a blessing or a curse. Pidge looked over to see Lance touching his toes with ease. 

How was he so flexible?

Lance’s head snapped up toward her, clearly surprised. Then he looked rather smug. 

Oh quiznak. Oh god. She said that out loud. Oh no. Well, nothing she could do about it now. She would just have to roll with it. 

“Most dancers are pretty flexible, Pidge,” he said, continuing his stretches, although Pidge was pretty sure he was showing off some now. 

“Dancers? You’re a dancer?” Pidge asked.

“Well, you don’t have to say it like that!” Lance said indignantly. “And if you must know, yes; in my family, you learn to dance before you’re potty trained.” 

“What kind of dancing?” While Pidge’s embarrassment turned into curiosity, Lance looked more and more bashful with each question she asked.

“Well… Just some salsa. Nothing super fancy…” 

Maybe it was the lack of sleep. Maybe her mouth had stopped receiving signals from her brain altogether. But, as Coran would say, Alfor himself couldn’t have stopped the next words that came out of her mouth.

“Teach me.” 

Lance whipped around toward her, shock clear on his face.

“Huh?!” Pidge could take it back or laugh it off. It would be easy. It would be predictable. Based on some of the memories she had seen, Old Pidge would have done it in a heartbeat. Anything to keep Lance from knowing she liked him. 

But she just didn’t feel like Old Pidge anymore. At least not completely. Seeing all of her memories play out in her mind had given her a new perspective. It was like watching a movie she had already seen once. She noticed things she hadn’t seen the first time around. Old Pidge knew that her and Lance were friends, but New Pidge was starting to see something else there too. Old Pidge knew that she was important to Lance, but New Pidge was realizing just how important she was to him. 

So there was no way that New Pidge was gonna back out of this. 

“Teach me,” she said again, more confidently than Old Pidge would have ever been in this situation. 

“Uh, ok… You got any music?” Lance said finally. He still looked confused, but oddly acceptant. Pidge hadn’t really thought that far ahead, so she grabbed her phone (one of the few items she had gotten to bring from earth) and scrolled through the music she had on it. 

“Umm….. Will this do?” she asked hesitantly. She didn’t have very many songs that were suitable for salsa. 

Lance took a look at her phone, and suddenly threw his head back laughing. Quiznak, Pidge was starting to love that sound. She couldn’t help the fluttery feeling in her chest when she heard it.

“Yeah, that’s perfect! Let’s do it,” Lance said, getting to his feet and holding out his hand for Pidge. Without hesitation, she took it.  
______________________________________________________________________

A varga later, Pidge was starting to get it. Sorta. It was a lot more complicated than she had thought it would be. It seemed that she had to constantly keep her hips, feet, and arms moving, which had proven difficult while she was also trying to keep up with the steps and turns that Lance was leading her through.

Pidge couldn’t believe how good Lance was at dancing. Sure, she was a beginner, but Lance moved with such fluidity. She was sure that even if this was her hundredth lesson, she could never look as graceful and natural as he did.

Lance twirled her around again as Shakira’s Hips Don’t Lie blasted through the speakers at the training deck (a modification that she and Hunk had apparently done not long after getting to space because who wants to work out without music). 

Suddenly, she missed a step and lost her balance. Lance caught her around her waist and steadied her. When she looked up, he had a small smile on his face.

“Hey, you almost had it that time!” There was a giddiness in his eyes. Pidge was amazed. Lance had never come across as the most patient person, but he was a surprisingly good teacher. Even when she made mistakes, he didn’t mind at all. 

He must have noticed the dopey grin on her face, because he then asked her what was with the dopey grin on her face. 

“I just… don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy,” she confessed. And it was true. She could practically feel the joy pouring off of him. 

Lance blushed a little, but didn’t break eye contact with her. 

“I guess it just reminds me of home. I missed doing stuff like this even before we came to space, so thank you… I’ve really enjoyed this,” he said softly. Suddenly, Pidge felt hyper-aware that his hands were still on her waist, and her hands were still hooked around the back of his neck. He was leaning down towards her, and she was nearly on the tips of her toes. Quiznak, his eyes were blue.

Lance seemed to realize just how close they were at the same time, and quickly withdrew. 

“Well, I think I’m gonna hit the showers! See you around, Pidge,” Lance said sheepishly. He turned and made a beeline out of the room. 

Pide stood there, missing his warmth and laughter, but feeling oddly satisfied. Old Pidge would have brushed that all off. She would have worried that he ran off because he thought she was weird or clingy. But New Pidge knew better than that.  
______________________________________________________________________

Pidge didn’t know how they always found each other at these odd times of the night. The castleship was huge and the likelihood of running into someone this late into the night cycle was slim, to say the least. 

She had been wandering the castle until she found a random observation window and took the chance to watch the stars. It wasn’t much later that Lance had turned up, surprised, but not disappointed, to see her there. They had sat together in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying the glittering lights and each other’s company, but soon they were trying to make constellations out of the stars they saw. 

“That one looks like… Scorpius,” Pidge said, nodding toward a string of stars.

“Oh yeah, I see it. That one sorta looks like Sagittarius,” Lance said, pointing out a cluster of stars that looked nothing like Sagittarius. 

“It does not,” she scoffed playfully. 

“It does too! Look, you can clearly see the teapot!” he said leaning forward to point it out. Part of Sagittarius had a distinct teapot shape, but she couldn’t see anything in these unfamiliar stars. 

“Where?!” she challenged. 

“Okay, look.” Lance held his arm straight out. Pidge nearly put her head on his shoulder, trying to look down his arm to see what he was seeing. “See that really bright one there?” 

“Yeah.”

“Okay, go up a little to that blue-ish one.”

“Okay.”

“And that’s the left side of the teapot. Go to the right, and see? There’s the other side of it. That red-ish one is the tip of the spout!” Lance said triumphantly.

“Holy quiznak, it does look like the teapot…” she said while squinting.

“Ha! I told you!” he shouted right in her face. She stuck out her tongue at him. Since they were still leaning into each other, they were nearly nose to nose. She almost pushed him away playfully, but honestly, she didn’t want him out of her face just yet. 

She looked into his eyes again. Most of the time, they were a striking ocean blue, but they had turned into something softer under the starlight. 

Suddenly, Pidge was in the past instead of the present. She had done this so many times by now, she could recognize when she was about to “go under” as Lance and Hunk had dubbed her episodes. 

This one was a little different though. Usually her memories took her to far away galaxies, but this one took place right where she was now. There they both were, at the same observation window, although this time, they were laying on their backs, using their arms as pillows. The stars and the doboshes passed slowly. 

“Do you think we would have been friends? Even if all of this -- all of Voltron -- hadn’t happened?” he asked. 

“Well, going to the Galaxy Garrison was always my plan. We wouldn’t have been in the same grade unless I skipped a few, which is entirely possible,” Pidge added rather smugly. “We probably wouldn’t have been on the same team since I wanted to be a pilot--”

“No, no, I mean, yeah, we probably would have met, but do you think we would have been friends? Like, do you think we would have found each other and thought ‘I want to keep this person in my life?’” Her eyes widened at his words and she turned her head to look at him. But Lance just kept his eyes on the stars. She looked back up too, suddenly feeling a strange combination of giddiness and uncertainty. 

“Honestly, Lance… I hate to say it, but I kinda doubt it...” 

And that was the truth. When Pidge had gone to the Garrison disguised as a boy, she was on a personal mission, and she wasn’t going to let anyone get in the way of that, no matter how cute or friendly. But if Pidge had been able to attend the Garrison as Katie, would she have been friends with Lance? Or even any of the others? 

She had never been good with other people, and she had never planned to attend the Garrison just for social reasons, lost family or not. 

Lance scoffed, but somehow she got the feeling that he wasn’t angry at her.

“So, it’s just dumb luck then?”

“Well, I wouldn’t call it dumb luck. Luck doesn’t have to be a bad thing. If the things that happen in our lives really are random and meaningless, then I think it’s amazing they’ve come together the way that they have.” Now Lance was the one who widened his eyes at her. Then he laughed, but it wasn’t a mean one. Not like the laughs she used to get when she said something in middle school. 

“That’s a surprisingly optimistic view for our resident scientist.” 

“Hey, just because I believe in the cold, hard facts doesn’t mean that I can’t see the good in some things,” she shot back casually. 

“Fair enough.” They fell back into a content silence, watching the universe from their safe little nook. But something Lance had said earlier was still bouncing around in Pidge’s mind. 

“Hey, Lance?” He hummed back to acknowledge her. “Am I really the kind of person that you want to keep in your life?” She turned towards him again, full of hope. He looked at her and smiled, his eyes soft and blue in the low lighting of the cosmos. 

Before he could give an answer, she slowly blinked open her eyes, returning to the present. Lance was fully facing her now, and he was just as close as he was before she fell into the memory. 

“You good?” he asked, more out of courtesy than concern. 

“Yeah, I think so.”

Then, Pidge swore that Lance looked down towards her lips and her breath caught in her throat. He flinched at the sound, but didn’t back off completely. His eyes flitted back up her face. Then, ever so slowly, he brought his pointer finger up to her cheek and traced a design just under her left eye. 

“Found another one. Cassiopeia, right here,” he said, dragging his finger tip over her freckles. 

“Hey, Lance?” The motion of his finger stopped, and he looked her in the eyes. Her stomach did a flip.

“Yeah?”

“I know we’ve kinda had to start all over, or well, I did, but I was just wanting to know if I was still the kind of person you wanted to keep in your life,” she said softly. 

His pointer finger changed into a full hand that cupped her face tenderly. She leaned into his touch, reveling in the warmth. Her heart pounded, and she thought that she could hear his doing the same. 

“More than anything,” he said with such sincerity, Pidge would have taken on a thousand Galra fleets just to hear him say it again. 

There was no telling who started leaning in first, but suddenly their lips met. It began chaste and sweet, but Lance deepened the kiss, drawing a gasp out of Pidge. Not one to be outdone, Pidge grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him closer. 

Finally, they parted, short of breath, but full of happiness. Lance leaned his forehead against her own as they smiled like doofuses. 

“You realize this means you’re stuck with me forever, right?” she said. 

“Lucky me.”


End file.
